the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
