Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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