And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
