I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
