You're completely useless in the revolution.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
