Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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