I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
