yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
