also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
