Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
