i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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