No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
