i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
