Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
