Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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