Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
