She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
