He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
