we have pet lesbian snakes
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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