if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
