are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
