I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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