We named our party play list daddy issues
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
