I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
