Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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