Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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