She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
