I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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