I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
