Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
