i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh god it's open bar.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
