Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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