I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
