obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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