Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
