i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
