He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
