Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
