Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
