didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
