I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
