why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
