OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
