I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
