he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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