The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
