WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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