A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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