Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
