he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
